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|10-11-2012, 06:43 AM||#1|
Smokin 4000HP World Challenge
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Evans Ga.30809
I want to thank you all for your educational e-mails
over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.
I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel,
nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying
about the bacteria on the lemon peel.
I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine
what has happened on it since it was last washed.
I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving
because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.
Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only
imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.
I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on
the floor of a public toilet.
I must send my special thanks for the email about rat poo
in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with
every envelope that needs sealing.
ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I can't have a drink in a bar because I fear I'll wake up in a bathtub
full of ice with my kidneys gone.
I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.
I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you I have learned that my prayers only get answered
if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern , I no longer drink Coca Cola because
it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer buy fuel without taking someone along to watch the car,
so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes
seven different types of cancer.
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water
in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring
me for life.
I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a
needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.
I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug
me with a perfume sample and rob me..
And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask
me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to
Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan ..
Thanks to you I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a
big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant
death when it bites my butt.
And thanks to your great advice I can't ever pick up a
dime coin dropped in the car park because it was probably placed
there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over.
I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the
Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in
the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land
on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the
fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you
to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it
actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbors
ex mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's
Oh, and by the way...
A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study,
has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity
read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because
I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet..
NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A VERY GOOD DAY
Casper is a 2012 Corvette Grand Sport 3LT heritage package.
|10-11-2012, 08:23 AM||#2|
Smokin 1000HP Twin Turbo Club
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: A.C., NJ
That's funny but oh so true!!
|10-11-2012, 08:40 AM||#3|
Smokin 200HP Club
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Murphy, Republic of Texas
2003 Coupe/550 HP/ Auto/ Comp Roller Cam 232/236/630 lift/ 112 LSA/ 10 Ov; Doug Rippie ported polished & Milled 60cc LS6 heads, stainless steel OS valves; Hardened push rods with PRC dual valve springs 650 rated lift; Varam Cold Air induction; High Speed Tranny Cooler; LG Long Tube Headers; Precision 3000k Stall & RPM Micro Polished 342 gears; GHL Cat Back Exhaust, Fikse Profile 10 wheels
Wide Open Throttle "Lee" Retired and having fun
|10-11-2012, 11:36 AM||#4|
Smokin 2500HP Pro Road Racer
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Limbo, USA
Good One. I was going to copy it and send it to my wife but she just sent it to me via email.
"Because of the one-pointed time awareness in which the conventional mind remains immersed, humans tend to think of everything in a sequential, word-oriented framework. This mental trap produces very short-term concepts of effectiveness and consequences, a condition of constant, unplanned response to crises." Liet-Kynes - Dune
|10-12-2012, 02:40 AM||#5|
Smokin 3000HP Drag Racer
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Huntley, Il.
Great way to start the day. Thanks for the laugh Bucwheat!
|11-14-2012, 05:33 AM||#6|
Smokin 5000HP+ Posting Maniac
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Boston's south shore, MA
'05 black C6 vert, MN6, Z51, 1SB, NAV, red Kooks LT headers, 4" quad Corsa Extremes, DSVettes red & ebony leather interior, diamond plate floors, air-brushed fire flames, Lingenfelter supercharged, hi-rise scooped hood, Z06 chrome wheels & wide booty, chin splitter & side skirts, Breathless Performance rollbar & G-Force racing harnesses, LED taillights, boost & fuel pressure gauges, red Katech valve covers & coil relo kit. & 2013 NRBM 427 convertible
|11-14-2012, 06:50 AM||#7|
Smokin 5000HP+ Posting Maniac
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: New Iberia LA
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