Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to
myself,'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.'

- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

------------------------------------------------------------------------
I had a rose named after me and I was very
flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description
in the catalog: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a
wall.'
- Eleanor Roosevelt
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest
woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her
sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.

Mark Twain
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good
beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close
together as possible.

George Burns

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people
only once a year.

Victor Borge
--------------------------------------------------------------------------


Be careful about reading health books. You may
die of a misprint.

- Mark Twain
------------------------------------------------------------------------


By all means, marry. If you get a good wife,
you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll
become a philosopher.

- Socrates

------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was married by a judge. I should have asked
for a jury.

- Groucho Marx
------------------------------------------------------------------------


My wife has a slight impediment in her speech.
Every now and then she stops to breathe.

- Jimmy Durante

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have never hated a man enough to give his
diamonds back.

- Zsa Zsa Gabor
------------------------------------------------------------------------


Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all
four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and
fat.
- Alex Levine
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery,
people would stop dying.

- Rodney Dangerfield
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Money can't buy you happiness .. But it does
bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

- Spike Milligan
-------------------------------------------------------------------------


Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.


- Joe Namath

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't feel old. I don't feel
anythinguntil noon. Then it's time for my nap.

- Bob Hope
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

I never drink water because of the disgusting
things that fish do in it.
W. C. Fields

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

We could certainly slow the aging process down if
it had to work its way through Congress.
Will Rogers
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As
you grow older, it will avoid you.

- Winston Churchill
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty ..
But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or
spread out.
- Phyllis Diller
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his
step, he's too old to go anywhere.

- Billy Crystal
------------------------------------------------------------------------:patriot:

marry an ugly woman, nobody will steal her away from you --------------my grandfather

Ambition is a Dream with a V8 engine- Elvis

My favorite "If you keep doin what you always did, you will always get what you always got" :doh:

marry an ugly woman, nobody will steal her away from you --------------my grandfather

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: Smart grandfather :thumbsup3: :thumbsup3: :thumbsup3:

Make Way For The Bad Guy ....Scarface

I told you so......:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

"TO be or not to BE" That is the question C6Z { a corvette owner}???????

There are more horses azzes than there are horses.

There are more horses azzes than there are horses.
:iagree::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:.,,,,,,,:patriot:

marry an ugly woman, nobody will steal her away from you --------------my grandfather

a butterface might be a nice option.:thumbsup3:

"If Congress can do whatever in their discretion can be done by money, and will promote the General Welfare, the Government is no longer a limited one, possessing enumerated powers, but an indefinite one...." --James Madison

Compared to:

"If we do not move swiftly, an economy that is in crisis will be faced with catastrophe. Millions more Americans will lose their jobs. Homes will be lost. Families will go without health care. Our crippling dependence on foreign oil will continue. That is the price of inaction." --former community organizer Barack Obama


And my favorite:

"Every month that we do not have an economic recovery package, 500 million Americans lose their jobs. I don't think we can go fast enough." --House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (http://patriotpost.us/reference/videos/nancy-pelosi-five-million-jobs.php) (D-CA) on 12 January on the pork-laden stimulus bill that passed the House last week

x8hMJVXt09E

I told my Dad "I stopped raisen hell " and he called me a quitter!!!!:duel:

I told my Dad "I stopped raisen hell " and he called me a quitter!!!!:duel:
:iagree: :DeadHorse::rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :beerbang: ............. :patriot:

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to
myself,'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.'

- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

------------------------------------------------------------------------
I had a rose named after me and I was very
flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description
in the catalog: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a
wall.'
- Eleanor Roosevelt
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest
woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her
sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.

Mark Twain
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good
beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close
together as possible.

George Burns

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people
only once a year.

Victor Borge
--------------------------------------------------------------------------


Be careful about reading health books. You may
die of a misprint.

- Mark Twain
------------------------------------------------------------------------


By all means, marry. If you get a good wife,
you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll
become a philosopher.

- Socrates

------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was married by a judge. I should have asked
for a jury.

- Groucho Marx
------------------------------------------------------------------------


My wife has a slight impediment in her speech.
Every now and then she stops to breathe.

- Jimmy Durante

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have never hated a man enough to give his
diamonds back.

- Zsa Zsa Gabor
------------------------------------------------------------------------


Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all
four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and
fat.
- Alex Levine
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery,
people would stop dying.

- Rodney Dangerfield
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Money can't buy you happiness .. But it does
bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

- Spike Milligan
-------------------------------------------------------------------------


Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.


- Joe Namath

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't feel old. I don't feel
anythinguntil noon. Then it's time for my nap.

- Bob Hope
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

I never drink water because of the disgusting
things that fish do in it.
W. C. Fields

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

We could certainly slow the aging process down if
it had to work its way through Congress.
Will Rogers
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As
you grow older, it will avoid you.

- Winston Churchill
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty ..
But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or
spread out.
- Phyllis Diller
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his
step, he's too old to go anywhere.

- Billy Crystal
------------------------------------------------------------------------:patriot:
Thanks for those Blackhorse-particularly liked Churchill on Temptation. Maybe its just my age.

"A government large enough to give you everything you want is large enough to take away everything you have." Thomas Jefferson

On Divorce: While you are making payments to your divorce lawyer, never, never check the price of a bullet...
Most of the money I've made, I spent on beautiful women, fast cars, and expensive wine...the rest I just wasted.
I may not be much, but I'm all I got.:cheers:

I can't wait until you have kids :duel: (My parents ) I was a handful that what my parents tell me :hehehe: :sm_party: